Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

"I'm sorry but we couldn't find a heartbeat." These words still hurt even now.

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month and I hope my story will help other women who are also going through a loss. You are NOT alone in this and it is NOT your fault.

My husband and I were so excited to find out we were expecting in 2015. We went to our first OBGYN's visit at 6 weeks and heard the baby's heartbeat, it was the best sound we've ever heard!

During those time, of course, as new parents, we thought about names, our dreams for our baby, and our plan to announce to our family when we reached the 1st trimester.

​At 8 weeks, we went back for a second doctor's visit. The nurse came in and started the routine checkup and she used the doppler to listen to the baby's heartbeat. She was searching and searching and couldn't hear anything. Then she brought in the sonogram machine and again, tried it for awhile and nothing.

We were concerned but didn't think much of it. The nurse said she'll be right back and then left. When the doctor came in and he said "I'm sorry but we couldn't find a heartbeat."

He explained to us that the sonogram machine confirmed that there is no heartbeat on the embryo. Unfortunately miscarriage do happen a lot during the 1st trimester and it is nothing that I did to cause this.

I remembered the feeling of falling, my heart hurts, and I simply couldn't think.

We went into his office and he told us there are few options we can do, wait it out until I have a miscarriage naturally, take a pill that would expedite the miscarriage or have a D&C (Dilation & Curettage) surgery. We were just too sad to make a decision so we went home to think about it.

The first words I spoke to my husband was "I'm so sorry." as we were walking to our car. This was the hardest moment of our lives.

After a few days, we've decided to go for the D&C surgery. It was the worst day of my life, I couldn't stop crying after I woke up from the surgery. There was a nurse there who was so sweet, she sat with me, shared her story and gave me lots of encouragements. 

I'm so grateful that I had people in my life, some who had gone through a miscarriage or baby loss, and they were there every step of the way to help my husband and I during this difficult time.

Then in 2016, we were blessed with a healthy baby girl. Now I'm a mom of 2 beautiful girls and every day I still remember about the one that I had lost.

​Photo Credit: Jordan Jankun Photography

Photo Credit: Jane DiMaggio Photography

If your family, friend, or someone you know had a miscarriage or loss their baby, here are a few ways you can support them:

1. Send meals to them. They may be too upset to even think about cooking or eating.
2. Help them with chores - grocery shopping, laundry, etc.
3. Listen to their stories especially when they are ready to share.
4. Avoid saying "It's not meant to be." or "You have your other kids." or "They are in a better place." The best thing you can say to them is "I'm here for you." or a simple hug.

To those moms who are going through a pregnancy loss:

1. Take your time to grieve.
2. You are not alone and it is not your fault.
3. Reach out to support groups or someone you know who had gone through a loss. Talk about it when you are ready.
4. Read books that will help you to grieve. The book that helped me with my grief is "Growing Up in Heaven" by James Van Praagh.

October 15 is Pregnancy Remembrance Day, join me to light a candle at 7pm (all time zones) to create a wave of lights to remember all the babies who had gone too soon.

If you need someone to talk to, I'm here for you! Give me a call 201-663-8585 or email me at charissa@charissahyongphotography.